Well, it's out there now...

Today was a bittersweet.

Nine years ago, I came to San Antonio to spend the summer at River City as a youth intern. I spent that summer getting to know some of the coolest people I'd ever known. There was something different about River City. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I felt it. Summer came and went, and I found myself not wanting to leave. So I stayed, went to school, worked, and continued to work with the youth. Many things have changed since then (like getting married, having kids, and becoming the youth pastor's wife), but in a lot of ways they haven't. I've been involved with youth basically since I was a youth, and it's been so cool to watch students grow throughout the time I've been involved.

Today, though, is the beginning of a new chapter for us. We announced to our teenagers that at the end of this school year, we'll be stepping down and moving on. There were tears. It's hard stepping down at a time when things are going so well.

At the same time, I'm excited, because we've been given a new mission. Aaron and I will be launching a new multi-site on the Northwest side of San Antonio and we're thrilled.

How did this come about? Well, it started last summer. In July, Aaron had some time to himself while driving from Bastrop to San Antonio one afternoon and he just began to sense God telling him to get ready for the next step. He wasn't sure what that looked like. Are we supposed to go to another church? Was his role within the youth ministry about to change? He didn't say anything to anyone (not even me) but just tucked it away. Over the next number of months, he continued to hear the same thing, still not completely sure what he was supposed to do, but he began to become passionate about the idea of the multi-site, like we have in New Braunfels. But still, he said nothing...

Until one day in November (or was it December?), we loaded the kids up in the car, got Starbucks and were driving around looking at Christmas lights, and I looked over at him and said, "I feel like God is telling us to get ready for the next step."

He stared at me, wide-eyed. (I took this to mean that he thought I was crazy.)

After a long pause, he said, "Well, what do you think that looks like?"

"I don't know, really. I don't think we're supposed to leave River City. And I don't think we're supposed to plant a church. I don't know, but I think it'd be really awesome to launch a new campus."

Another long pause. This time I was sure he thought I was crazy.

But then, the most amazing thing happened. He said, "Wow. I've been feeling the same thing." Then we were both quiet.

For the rest of the night, though, and over the coming days, we found ourselves lost in conversations about what God had been saying to each of us individually over the past number of months, and the excitement built as we realized that the hand of God had been guiding us individually, but very much together, all along. The ideas and the possibilities were overwhelming and thrilling, and we just knew this was where we were being called.

God has continued to confirm this every step of the way. As we approached Sean and the church leadership, we found that God had been moving in them too, and doors have continued to open.

Today, we were finally able to announce this new ministry to the youth and to the congregation, and I can't wait to see how things continue to unfold from here. We're so excited to see the team of people God puts together and all that He has in store. Please pray for us as we begin this journey! We'll keep you posted along the way!

Thanks for being a part of our life. Sorry for the super long post with no pictures. :)

Conviction

This morning, Lauri (a great friend and mentor) sent me today's reading from My Utmost for His Highest, and I was convicted.

We need to rely on... Jesus much deeper down than we do, to get into the habit of steadily referring everything back to Him; instead of this we make our common-sense decisions and ask God to bless them.

I was really convicted by this. I'm guilty. Especially lately. I started off the year so close to Him, and then in effort to "follow" Him, I began to charge on ahead, asking Him to follow as I ran. The results? Less than stellar. I've found myself disappointed, discontent, and apathetic. In my experience, that doesn't even closely resemble the fruit produced by following God.

I am glad for the wake-up call, and I'm ready for a change. I feel that God is on the move and I look forward to the next number of weeks and months!

Daybreak in Alabama [Poetry]

Langston Hughes is another poet I first heard in Mrs. Endicott's class in junior high and I love his poetry. I love the dialect, the cadence, the stories...

Daybreak in Alabama
from The Collected Poems of
Langston Hughes

When I get to be a composer
I'm gonna write me some music about
Daybreak in Alabama
And I'm gonna put the purtiest songs in it
Rising out of the ground like a swamp mist
And falling out of heaven like soft dew.
I'm gonna put some tall tall trees in it
And the scent of pine needles
And the smell of red clay after rain
And long red necks
And poppy colored faces
And big brown arms
And the field daisy eyes
Of black and white black white black people
And I'm gonna put white hands
And black hands and brown and yellow hands
And red clay earth hands in it
Touching everybody with kind fingers
And touching each other natural as dew
In that dawn of music when I
Get to be a composer
And write about daybreak
In Alabama.

Notice [Poetry]

I'm continuing to post, now and again, poems that I love for one reason or another. I discovered this one in college, and it's a bit strange and funny, but I find myself drawn to it for some reason. :)

Notice
by Steve Kowit

This evening, the sturdy Levis
I wore every day for over a year
And which seemed to the end in perfect condition,
suddenly tore.
How or why I don’t know,
but there it was—a big rip at the crotch.
A month ago my friend Nick
Walked off a racquetball court,
Showered,
Got into his street clothes,
And halfway home collapsed and died.
Take heed you who read this
And drop to your knees now and again
Like the poet Christopher Smart
And kiss the earth and be joyful
And make much of your time
And be kindly to everyone,
Even to those who do not deserve it.
For although you may not believe it will happen,
You too will one day be gone.
I, whose Levis ripped at the crotch
For no reason,
Assure you that such is the case.
Pass it on.

The Road Not Taken [Poetry]

This was the first poem that I ever really remember reading (besides Shel Silverstein). We had to memorize it Mrs. Endicott's speech class (or was it English) in 6th or 7th grade (I had her three years in a row and I loved her), and I still know it by heart. It may be a bit cliche, but it has always really resonated with me.

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Retail Therapy

I got to go do a little shopping this morning. And it felt good. :) Well, except for my momentary lapse in judgement where I thought I might try on a pair of skinny jeans. Ha ha! Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking. Ha ha ha! It was extremely comical and humiliating all at the same time.

Aside from that, it was a fun morning, and I left with a new pair of [non-skinny] jeans, a shirt that's not black or a tee, and a new dress. A new dress that isn't black. If you know me, you know this is a big deal. Add this to the fact that last month, when I needed new dress pants, I passed up the black and went with brown... watch out world.

Silence [Poetry]

As I go back through my little collection of poems, I'm noticing some of them are a bit dark... or somber, rather. But I like them because they make me feel.

Silence
by Edgar Lee Masters

I have known the silence of the stars and of the sea.
And the silence of the city when it pauses,
And the silence of a man and a maid,
And the silence for which music alone finds the word,
And the silence of the woods before the winds of spring begin,
And the silence of the sick
When their eyes roam about the room.
And I ask: For the depths
Of what use is language?
A beast of the field moans a few times
When death takes its young.
And we are voiceless in the presence of realities—
We cannot speak.

A curious boy asks an old soldier
Sitting in front of the grocery store,
“How did you lose your leg?”
And the old soldier is struck with silence,
Or his mind flies away
Because he cannot concentrate it on Gettysburg.
It comes back jocosely
And he says, “A bear bit it off.”
And the boy wonders, while the old soldier
Dumbly, feebly lives over
The nashes of guns, the thunder of cannon,
The shrieks of the slain,
And himself lying on the ground,
And the hospital surgeons, the knives,
And the long days in bed.
But if he could describe it all
He would be an artist.
But if he were an artist there would be deeper wounds
Which he could not describe.

There is the silence of great hatred,
And the silence of a great love,
And the silence of a deep peace of mind,
And the silence of an embittered friendship,
There is the silence of a spiritual crisis,
Through which your soul, exquisitely tortured,
Comes with visions not to be uttered
Into a realm of higher life.
And the silence of the gods who understand each other without speech,
There is the silence of defeat.
There is the silence of those unjustly punished;
And the silence of the dying whose hand
Suddenly grips yours.
There is the silence between father and son,
When the father cannot explain his life,
Even though he be misunderstood for it.

There is the silence that comes between husband and wife.
There is the silence of those who have failed;
And the vast silence that covers
Broken nations and vanquished leaders.
There is the silence of Lincoln,
Thinking of the poverty of his youth.
And the silence of Napoleon
After Waterloo.
And the silence of Jeanne d’Arc
Saying amid the flames, “Blesséd Jesus”—
Revealing in two words all sorrow, all hope.
And there is the silence of age,
Too full of wisdom for the tongue to utter it
In words intelligible to those who have not lived
The great range of life.

And there is the silence of the dead.
If we who are in life cannot speak
Of profound experiences,
Why do you marvel that the dead
Do not tell you of death?
Their silence shall be interpreted
As we approach them.